Today’s State-run Media Report, Courtesy of ABC/Obama News Print
By CFIF Staff
Thursday, June 18 2009

Good Afternoon.  This is Charles Gibson reporting of, by and from the White House.  It’s been a really cool day here so far, and it’s going to get really cooler when we talk to President Obama about health care, later in the broadcast.

We were going to open the broadcast with that, but today has been so really, really cool that we just had to tell you about that first.

We were not allowed to broadcast Sasha and Malia actually getting up and brushing their teeth, but we know they did that, and very well, I might add, because the first press release of the day told us so.

They then played with the dog, Bo, he’s called, for 17 minutes, we are told and now we’re telling the entire world, before they went to Michelle Obama’s beautiful garden to oversee the 12 White House staff gardeners pick and wash the strawberries and blueberries for their breakfast.  You know, we didn’t know this before today, but Michelle invented this wonderful, soft-bristled fruit brush, to clean the fruit just so.  Any fruit that is too bruised for the girls to eat is taken to the back fence and given to the poor.

Imagine that.  There’s just never been such a generous, caring couple in this or any other White House.

This afternoon, in an exclusive investigative report, George Stephanopolous will actually accompany the First Daughters to the movies, reporting everything they say (and, more important, everything they mean) about “Up.”  Be ready for some real balloon popping on that one. 

Later, get this all you gals out there, Diane Sawyer – yes, the Diane Sawyer, our very own Diane Sawyer, will go make-up shopping with the First Lady of Fashion, Michelle Obama.  I can’t wait for that; I just can’t.  I’m getting tingles already.

Following up on his remarkable fly-killing skill shown on that other network, President Obama has promised a repeat performance for us – but this time he’s going to make it more exciting by grabbing a wasp!  Those little suckers can sting!  Talk about courage; talk about charisma.  Is this guy the whole package or what?

Now, as promised we’re going to talk to the President of the United States about health care.  See, we’re walking into the Oval Office, spotless and clean, almost as big as our network headquarters right down the hall, where we are provided with our own White House staff, just to make sure all of our stories are completely accurate.

Well, here we are and here’s the President, sitting at his desk.

Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Good afternoon, Charlie.  You know, I really want to apologize for the overdone filet at lunch.  That’s just inexcusable for you guys, now that you’re part of the family.

Apology accepted, Mr. President.  Tomorrow, it’s going to be lobster, I hear.

Of course it is, Charlie.  Every Friday.

Now, Mr. President, let’s talk about health care.

I love health care, Charlie.  That’s why, as I’ve said many times, I’m not sure how many, but many, that I want all Americans to have some health care.

Yes, you have said that, Mr. President, many, many times.  But a lot of people are worried about how we are going to pay for it...

Charlie, you know what.  Tea’s being served on the South Portico, and I know you and the crew don’t want to miss it, so why don’t you go on and leave the camera running.  I’ll just keep talking about my health care plan until you get back and then we can play with Bo a bit.

Oh...okay...That is so generous of you, Mr. President.  When should we come back?

Maybe in an hour or so, Charlie.  Don’t hurry.

Thank you so much, Mr. President.  We’ll bring some biscuits back for Bo.