A Franklin County (Ohio) judge dismissed a lawsuit with a little wit.

Common Pleas Judge David E. Cain took to poetry to dismiss a lawsuit filed by an inmate who accused a correction officer of causing him to soil his pants while standing in line for recreation at the prison.  According to news reports, inmate Darek Lathan warned the officer at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient, Ohio, the he was struggling with a cold and diarrhea from taking cold showers in prison, but wasn't allowed to get out of line. Lathan, who was seeking $2 million in damages, charged that he suffered "harassment, embarrassment, riddiculing (sic) and emotional distress."

In viewing Lathan's case as frivolous, Judge Cain dismissed it, writing,

Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction
Or so the plaintiff claims
A strict uncaring prison guard
Is whom the plaintiff blames.

While in line for recreation
And little time for hesitation
His anal sphincter just exploded
The plaintiff's britches quickly loaded.

It made the inmates laugh and play
To see the plaintiff's pants this way
The foul, unsightly, putrid mess
Caused the plaintiff major stress.

Claiming loss and shame to boot
The plaintiff filed the present suit
But the law provideth no relief
From such unmitigated grief.

Neither runs nor constipation
Can justify this litigation
Whether bowels constrict or flex
De minimus non curat lex.

A judge for nearly 30 years, Cain said this was the first time he has issued a decision in rhyme.

"I only have three years to go” before an age restriction prevents him from seeking re-election, he said. “If there’s anything I want to do, I better get about doing it. I just wanted to have some fun."

—Source: The Columbus Dispatch