FROM: The Office of Presidential Speechwriting
TO: POTUS, Senior Staff
RE: Second Inaugural Address
Mr. President -
As you know, all of us on the speechwriting staff hold both your writing skills and your political savvy in the highest regard. That is why we approach the task of refining the draft copy of your second inaugural address (dated November 3, 2004) that we recently received with such care. While we continue to believe that remarks relating to governing the country or advancing the upcoming campaign should take precedence, we understand that it’s never too early to begin working on a speech of such great historical consequence. Of course, much has changed since your initial work on these remarks, and staff has seen fit to make adjustments to the text accordingly. Please find the revised draft, with edits, below:
For Delivery on Inauguration Day, 2013
My fellow Americans Members of SEIU Local 1790,
We stand together today on the horizon of history. Four years ago, we began an improbable journey – a journey that the cynics and the skeptics said would be impossible. Yet our dreams endured – and because they endured, I stand before you again,
humbled by your trust proud to see that you know what’s good for you.
After four long years, I can report that
I have met all of the goals I laid out in my first inaugural address George W. Bush continues to wreak havoc on our economy. I can tell you that we have immensely improved the economic lot of all Americans reduced the wait time in unemployment lines. And I can say that our spiraling deficits have been turned into surpluses currency has not yet been replaced by grain. There is, of course, still work to be done. And thus today, I promise that I will not rest until every single American has gainful employment enough disposable income to purchase one of my best-sellers, available wherever books are sold.
But while our nation’s financial health is important, we know that a country’s prosperity is measured in more than dollars and cents. That is why my administration has taken action on the fronts that most deeply reflect our humanity. When I began my tenure in office, we were faced with the menace of climate change. Today, we have
put an end to that threat and stopped the rise of the oceans gained even greater insight into that challenge through my fact-finding missions to Martha’s Vineyard and Hawaii. We were faced with schools that threatened to consign a generation of students to perpetual failure. But today, we see those same schools graduating students at record numbers at long last winning the war against Twinkies in vending machines. And we were faced with a health care system that cost too much money and provided too little care. Yet today, we see how, with a little help from government, we can save both lives and money ensure that Nancy Pelosi will never have to provide a co-pay to another cosmetic surgeon.
These victories were hard-won. And they only came about because of my enduring belief that I am the president
not just of the blue states or the red states but of the United States of just enough people in New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles to intimidate the rest of the country into capitulation. As we move forward, nothing will be more vital to our democracy than retaining that spirit of cooperation submission.
Of course, I can’t continue this progress without valuable partners. Even though there were sharp differences between myself and a hard-core conservative like my opponent,
Jon Huntsman, I look forward to seeking common ground in the days ahead. And in that time, I will also rely on the valuable guidance of allies like Vice President Biden Wasserman Schultz, my Chief of Staff, William Daley Rachel Maddow and Attorney General Eric Holder, who will be returning to the Justice Department continuing his work under the terms of his house arrest.
I close today with a simple message of hope. There are still those naysayers who claim
America’s best days are behind us that they have extensive documentation to prove that I’ve irreparably harmed this country. But we know better. We know that America has always been a place of renewal and revival. We know that America has always been as strong as its people government. And we know that better days have always been just around the corner. Today, I ask you, the American people, to journey around that corner with me. And I know that four years from today, once we reach it, we will discover, as we always have, that America’s greatness will endure speaking fees are terrific even for failed presidents.
Thank you and
God bless you warmest regards from the deity or non-deity of your choice.