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Just look at that Sarah Palin.  She can’t even spell the name of her state right in a commercial.

What?  That’s Martha Coakley, running in Massachusettes for the U.S. Senate?

Well, Palin doesn’t even know there are still terrorists in Afghanistan.  No?  You’re kidding me.  That’s Coakley, too?  And she claims visiting her sister who lives overseas as foreign policy experience?

But Coakley’s the current darling of liberal elites and the “educated class,” isn’t she?  You know, the people who spill half-caf decaf on their Kindles whenever they hear the name Palin.

Well, at least Coakley must be running really, really sophisticated campaign commercials.

They’re not?  They’re just knee-jerk liberal trash talk on Bush and Cheney and Limbaugh?  That seems so last year, doesn’t it?  Since Coakley’s running for the Kennedy seat, you’d think they would be all “I Heart Obama.”

Oh.  Obama’s not wearing that well in Massachusettes, either?  Well, a lot of those pollsters are just Republican shills, you know.  You should listen to Robert Gibbs’ White House press briefings more.  He’ll set you straight.  Remember when he put the timber to Limbaugh?  Now that, my friend, was some effective rhetoric.

Bill Clinton’s campaigning for Coakley?  Maybe she got him coffee a few years ago or...

No, you’re right, and when you’re right, you’re right.  Just because Hillary’s campaign staff thought he was out and about again don’t make it so.  I’ve got to stop that kind of thinking if I’m ever going to be a serious political writer.  Must focus on important policy, just like those two guys with the new book.

Speaking of policy, Coakley must be a strong law-and-order candidate, being Massachusettes Attorney General and all...

Cracking down on garden clubs?  Well, there you go.  Now that is one serious lady, going after all manner of political corruption, at grave personal and political danger and still having time to go after garden clubs, which, as you know, I’ve long maintained are just fronts for...

What’s that?  Michelle Malkin wrote that Coakley hasn’t had the time to pursue so much political corruption, and she’s been making some mighty hinky moves with campaign money and hasn’t even investigated the SEIU for using state resources to campaign for her?  That wasn’t in the Boston Globe.  John Kerry didn’t tell me that.

Has the Justice Department been called in?  “Bull” Holder ought to be all over that kind of stuff.

Oh right.  I forgot about that.  He’s too busy explaining why he’s not prosecuting Black Panthers for intimidating voters in Philadelphia and preparing for those terrorist show trials to get up to Massachusettes. 

But isn’t anyone worried about those “aggressive stalkers” Coakley has been talking about? 

I see.  She has a “communications” guy who doubles as a bodyguard.  He pushed a dangerous Weekly Standard reporter onto the ground?  I thought the bodyguard helped the reporter up. 

No, I didn’t watch the video.  I’ve been too busy watching C-SPAN, waiting for the open health care debate that O promised.

Okay, so Coakley's dumb as a stump, lost in a fog and associates with some unsavory people, but she’s going to win, isn’t she?  I mean, this is Massachusettes, after all.

Vinnie told you she will pull it out.  When did he get out of jail? 

What? Coakley lost the evidence against him, and now he’s head of the Zamboni drivers union?  How many times has he voted already?

No way!  No one can vote that many times, except maybe in Chicago, certainly not in Massachusettes.  You’ve been listening to Glenn Beck too much.