A Florida man may need to pay closer attention to the old adage, “We all put our pants on the same way.”

Escambia County Judge Pat Kinsey dismissed a lawsuit filed by Alfred Freed against an underwear company, stating that the fault lies with plaintiff Freed who testified that “he dresses by placing his underwear inside the pants he plans to wear that day and then pulls both on together.  He testified he never puts his underwear on and adjusts himself to get comfortable.”

Freed, who weighs about 285 pounds, sued Hanesbrands, Inc. for $5,000 in damages he blamed on a gap in his briefs that resulted in painful rubbing.  Hanesbrands’ expert witness insisted the underwear was fine.  Freed rejected the company’s offer to settle for $1,500.

Acting as his own lawyer, Freed argued that the irritation was caused by sand he picked up in his bathing suit while on a Hawaiian vacation.  Over time the condition worsened and Freed claimed an abrasion developed because there was a tendency for the fly to “gap” while he walked.  The hearing included evidentiary presentations regarding “horizontal tension” versus “vertical tension.”  In a four-page ruling, Judge Kinsey wrote, “It was proved to the court that plaintiff’s manner of getting into his underwear was far more likely to have caused this problem than defective manufacturing.”

The lawsuit was dismissed, but Kinsey cited that her jurisdiction did not extend far enough to grant Hanesbrands’ request to ban Freed from posting videos about his case on the Internet.

—Source:  Pensacola News Journal (Florida)

Bank of America is being sued by a customer demanding that "1,784 billion, trillion dollars" be deposited into his bank account.

Plaintiff pro se Dalton Chiscolm filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan against the largest U.S. bank and its board, complaining that he placed a series of calls to the bank and received inconsistent information from a "Spanish wom[a]n."  According to court documents, he alleges that deposited checks have been rejected because of incomplete routing numbers.

According to an order issued by Judge Denny Chin, "The claim is incomprehensible.  Although he alleges that the basis of jurisdiction is federal question, no federal cause of action is stated.  Even liberally construed, the complaint does not appear to assert a federal cause of action."

Chiscolm has until today, October 23rd, to amend his complaint to better explain the basis for his claims or his complaint will be dismissed.

—Source:  Reuters.com

A Detroit-area man is facing five years in jail after leaving his date in a restaurant and driving off in her car without paying the bill.
 
According to news reports, Terrance Dejuan McCoy was on a first date with a woman when he told her he left his wallet in her car and needed the keys to get it to pay the bill.  He then sped off in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala.  The woman admitted she did not have much information about her date other than that she met him at a Detroit casino and he told her his name was "Chris."  Police used a cell phone message McCoy sent to her, which included his photo and cell number, to track him down.
 
McCoy pleaded no contest to the charges.  His defense attorney, Terri Antisdale, says McCoy is a "very nice man who made a bad decision."
 
—Source:  The Detroit News

A Chicago-area man is facing six months in jail for yawning, albeit loudly, in court. 
 
According to news reports, Clifton Williams was in the audience during the sentencing of his cousin for a drug charge when he made a yawn-like sound that angered Will County (Ill.) Judge Daniel Rozak.  Williams was charged with criminal contempt and could serve a maximum of six months.
 
"This was a very loud, boisterous, deliberate attempt on the part of this individual to disrupt the proceedings and show disrespect to the court," Charles Pelkie, spokesman for the Will County state's attorney's office said.  "It was not a guy who involuntarily yawned.  This guy was making a statement -- a very loud statement -- in court."
 
Williams' family disputes the charge, saying it was "not an outrageous yawn."  
 
—Source:  Chicago Tribune