Roland Burris Hit with Dreaded, Devastating Admonition Letter
In a move sure to raise questions regarding the torture of U.S. Senators by a secretive government cabal, the Senate Ethics Committee has written Senator Roland Burris (D-Ill) a letter.
The admonishment letter, long argued by advocates of more humane punishment to be the senatorial equivalent of water-boarding, is said to be a “sternly worded rebuke,” from which Burris is unlikely to recover before dinner.
The letter, which took months of closed-door scheming to prepare, cites Burris for “providing incorrect, inconsistent, misleading or incomplete information to the public, the Senate and those conducting legitimate inquiries into your appointment to the Senate [by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich].”
Recognizing the severity of such a letter and attempting to reduce public criticism over the harshness of its language, heretofore reserved for such acts as appearing on the Senate floor with one’s pockets stuffed with $100 bills, the Senate Ethics Committee recommends no further punishment.
Since Burris has announced that he will not seek re-election, he will be allowed to vote on serious matters affecting the American people and be afforded all Senatorial privileges only through the remainder of his appointed term, which runs until 2010.
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